Last Friday night we decided to take a break from dealing with sucky stuff and go to see the new X-Files movie on the night it opened. I’m not the X-Files freak that Mr. Yenta is. I can take it or leave it. Real life is noir enough for me, but, hey, he really wanted to go. We don’t go out to the movies often. Maybe every four or five years. Now that movie tickets cost what I paid to see my first couple of Broadway shows I’m really happy to see them at home on DVD or whatever the current technology is. Plus you can pause them and the popcorn is also a lot cheaper. Some things, however, deserve a trip to the bigger screen. Sadly, The X-Files: I Want to Believe isn’t one of them.
I was just kind of bored. There were a couple of funny in-jokey moments, but those were the highlights as far as I was concerned. About half-way through, though, it occurred to me that Mr. Yenta must be hating the movie. There were no aliens about to take over the planet. There was no grand conspiracy going on. The matter under investigation wasn’t even an X-file. I’m sorry, but having one psychic pedophile priest who turns out to have an extra-normal connection to a killer might be good enough for one episode of the show, but not for a movie. The crimes were grisly and a little bit out there, but not nearly far enough out there to justify making the movie to begin with.
I will say that Gillian Anderson looked fabulous. Didn’t she and David Duchovny start out pretty close in age to one another? Now it’s more of a May/October thing. She looked great but she’s matured into a full time pain in the ass. First it’s all, “Get out of this isolated dump in the middle of nowhere, where we inexplicably seem to live even though I’m a doctor, and get involved. A young agent’s life depends on your getting your head out of your ass!” So he does and then she gets all, “Stop right now or I’m cutting you off. Don’t even bother taking the Viagra, Mulder!” Too bad for him that Amanda Peet ended up dead so fast. You could tell she kind of had the hots for him.
At the end, I woke Mr. Yenta up – he only dozed off at the end. His review, “If they make another one they’d better be abducted by some huge, ugly-ass aliens to make up for this.”